what am i doing?

deep inside, loneliness is my biggest enemy.

when i met a new friend, i will be very excited, want to know him/her more. spend more time. especially a new girl. if she also give me some feed back. i will easily addictive to her.

but usually, under such a aggressive friendship building, people will run away. as i has experience for new friends run away, i will expect the next new friend will do the same thing and i become more aggressive, like the first day of meet is the last day.

May be it is my nature, Fast and Quick. just don't want to spend so much time on a single thing, unless that thing is always changing, always exciting. otherwise, i will get bored.

really?

i am not normal, in the way that i am not fitted in the society. my way of doing things, understand the world is just far away from where i born. There is no 2 shape-ends needle.

i am now obsessed about a girl, far away in Turkey. i like to put every single minutes with her. she like to do so to her boyfriend as well. unluckily, i am not the one.

people addicted to drug or bad habit is more easy. coz drug and habit, you can find it as long as you have time and money, you can completely addictive to it alone. while addictive to someone else, is very dangerous and go mad easily, coz you cannot do it by yourself. no matter you spend time and money, this rare resources is monopoly by the addictive subject.

i am not saying addictive is not good. if you can addicted into your career, it is a successful.

addictive to a relationship, is a disaster.

i never treat human is a living creature, just as a sophisticate toy, can be discovered a lot. that's why i like extraordinary friends.

i knew, when i addicted to her, i do not love her anymore.

little bit about my life

2 hours on chess board

3 hours on books

2 hours on internet

1 hours on Turkish

less then 1 hours on running and exercising

Many hours stupid around :D

hope can :

5 hours making money

12 hours sleeping

many hours with friends, on phone, on MSN, on webcam, on Skype, on sms, on streets, in cinemas, on dinning tables, in coffee shop, in book shops, in CD shops, in Museums, at anywhere, at everywhere.

Illusion

I don't know why, i feel that your feeling and passion to me go away.

You don't send me short email, sms. You are not excited for getting my phone call.... That make me feel i am speaking to air... Sometimes, more lonely.

May be it is because of exams. I can understand. Hope you will send me some as a feed back. I need your care, your love.

Send me short email, sms, it will not cost you much time. But your effort, i will notice and smile all day!

Sometimes, when i feel sad and lonely. i think i am a fool. I only live in an imagine world, which i create. The truth is, you don't need me at all, i am nobody for you. But you don't mind to have a fool around you all the day. All you care is your new boyfriend. you love him long time ago, then i appear. You never think i can be your boyfriend, not in your list. That can explain why you suddenly have a boyfriend. Coz i don't believe that "he will work in govt" is a reason for falling in love. You must have some feeling for him. I am just a funny guy for you afterall. You are tired for me. You want i go away automatically. You don't want to hurt me.

think so negative....

Ebru

a girl like me a lot. almost love me.

She had talked to her mum, her mum said, "Do something realistic."

She has a new boyfriend, no me.

her new boy friend is going to work in government. The reason for a boyfriend?

NO WAY!

i am just her friend.

i am living in a world that i created. Nothing real, expect my ideas, my dream.

Cogito ergo sum.

That is.